Woke up feeling melancholy

… I don’t know why. All I know is I woke up feeling like I’ll never amount to anything. That I’ll never catch up on my bills. That I’ll forever be crushed with debt and regret and every other terrible feeling of inadequacy that a person could have.

I don’t even know if I’m happy or just chugging along.  Filling my life with tasks to pass the time and if I don’t, I’ll run screaming into the ocean from boredom or… Something else.

…is that even normal?

And sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is worth it. Is it worth the pressure of success? Is it worth people telling you that you’re wrong and wanting to see you fail?

I want to see so much and do so much but half the time I feel like I’m wandering alone in a fog reaching for something that seems like it’s a million miles away.

…I don’t know. I just don’t know.

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  • Tatjana Vejnovic  

    I’ve had many moments identical to this one, Dianna. Where I was pretty convinced the sole purpose of being a human that resides in America was to live, create debt, never repay said debt, and owe to said country to contribute to the country and it’s higher power—and it doesn’t make much sense, but you get where I’m going with this, right?

    I’ve many many times wanted to drive my car off of a cliff and into the ocean. It wasn’t until I quit my job at GameStop that I could look in the mirror and tell myself, “I am not worthless,” and actually believe the words that I was saying. I still believe those words today.

    Am I completely happy today? No, and I don’t think it’ll happen any time soon, but I’m slowly getting there. It won’t just happen out of nowhere, Dianna. It will take time. And yes, what you are doing does matter. What you did to make your company’s game have homosexual relationship choices and diverse characters and all of that—you have a lot more in the last six months than a lot of other producers have done in six years. You SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF.

    You are constantly surrounded by people you love, whether at home, at work, or when you travel. You are very popular. Everyone always wants to be around you because of how cool and awesome you are. Not sure how you don’t see that.

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