Honestly, I don’t even know anymore. Ive had the shittiest 3 years of my life and as much as I try to pull myself out of this hole, I can’t.

I have moments of clarity where I’m thankful to be alive. I’m thankful for the people around me. Thankful for everything.

but…

when I really think about it, I don’t know if I am. Things that I’ve wanted have slipped through my fingers. Not thinking how does this benefit *me* but how does this benefit those around me.

There are moments in my life that slip into my memories and make my heart hurt. It makes me question if I’ve ever been happy and I’ve been using *things* to force that illusion.

what the fuck am I doing?