I found a box of memories today.
They were tucked away, under the bed
With the other things I tried to bury when I moved… the second time.

I’m in a new land. In a new space. And even though a year has passed, I still feel like an alien. Oh, I’ve found others like me, drifting through this odd and adolescent city. We cling to each other and try to make sense of our dreams and our realities.

It’s difficult.

This adolescent city so desperately wants to be an adult. And it can’t. At least, not right now. And even then, it’s not sure it wants to be an adult just yet– even though everyone tells it to grow up.   … And take a shower.

I’m oddly comforted in our similarities. Maybe we’re not so different.

Even so.

As I stumbled upon this box, in this adolescent city with its alien people, I thought to myself:

“Do not open that box. That box will make your heart hurt.”

*scoff*

“Shut up brain. I’m smarter than that.”

So I opened it.

Oh!

So many smiles and pictures. Pictures they drew for me, pictures we took together, cards they gave me, friends… Loves. All great loves. (Never let it be said Dianna loves weakly. She loves fully and arguably, foolishly. But she never half-asses it.)

Even so.

My heart clenches. Weeps. Longs. Regrets. Copes. Sighs. Laughs. Accepts. Forgives. Moves on. Weeps again. All at once. All in a breath. 

(Why did I open the damn box?)

I imagine. That’s all I can do and my heart weeps again. I take a breath. I’m fine. I’m fine.They’re all there. Smiling in different ways.

It’s OK.
.
.
.
.

I’ve made a decision.

I tenderly place everything back in the box, absently stroking an upset Luna who sensed my heart shifting. With one last look I slip it under the bed again and vow to do something with it soon.

I slipped into bed and turned on some music. The world can be cruel but it can also be kind.  It also has a sense of humor. This time it decided to be all three and played the perfect song for how I felt.

Some lyrics:

This is the story of the boys who loved you 
Who love you now and loved you then 
And some were sweet and some were cold and snuffed you 
And some just layed around in bed 
And some, they crumbled you straight to your knees 
Did it cruel, did it tenderly 

Some they crawled their way into your heart 
To rend your ventricles apart 
This is the story of the boys who loved you

I’ll be fine. The next song was a song by Fetty Wap. heh.

(Why did I open that damn box?)